You asked for it, so
Here it is:
The Land of Pbbttthhh Presents
Chia Pet Porn!
If you have a text only browser, try to imagine a naked chia pet.
Keep on eye on this page, folks.  More images are on the way.

Technically, it is legal for me to post this on the internet, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't call any unneccesary attention to this page due to a recent crackdown by the FCC on inanimate object-related pornography sites.

Do not tell the makers of Chia Pets about this page; they already know.